Calvin’s Turn, Or: A Stunning Revelation

Hi! I mean, hello there, readers! I don’t really know how to start this thing…

This is Calvin writing, by the way. I promised Shai I would narrate the next post, which is this one, so I guess it’s the current post, but it was the next post when we talked about it, and… you get the idea. You can see I’m not very practiced at this.

Anyway, so before I get to the main event, let me tell you some more about the events so far. Let me think a moment… Oh! He never did tell you about the Kumbh, did he? That lazy bum. How could he have left that out? He should write more.

Well, so when he came to the Kumbh Mela festival, also known as Maha Kumbh, which means “The Big Kumbh,” Shai did what he has done consistently during his travels so far: He walked around aimlessly, until he found someone to talk to or a place for the night, or just simply got tired. When this happened, he would sit down. If he was in the mood, he would write, which proved to be an ill-conceived notion, as any such attempt quickly drew a circle of silent, staring onlookers. Well, sometimes they were silent. For some reason, the image of a man bent over a notebook fails to convey, in India, the message that some privacy might be desired. To be fair, they’ve probably never seen privacy to know it. I sure as hell haven’t seen any in this country. And do you know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it’ll help Shai grow, and I know we all want that, because we’re his friends, right? Otherwise why are we reading his blog? (Or writing it, as the case may be. How did I ever agree to this?)

So one of these times, Shai is sitting on the sandy bank of the Ganga (is he following these holy rivers around on purpose?) and trying in vain to write, when along comes a strange pair, an Indian Guru and a Frenchwoman, and conversation ensues. It goes something like this:

Shai: “Wow! Someone I can speak Englsih with! Do you know where else in the festival I can find such a thing?”

Leela: “Yes! There’s Pren Baba in sector 9 [was it sector 9? I think there was someone in sector 9], there’s the Rainbow camp, there’s…”

Shai: “Whoa! Back up a moment. Did you say ‘Rainbow camp’?”

Leela: “Yes, they’re in sector 7.”

Shai: “Great! I’ll find them!”

And he did, and he stayed there for three weeks, never visiting any of the other English speaking Babas. Lazy bum…

Oh, wait! Before I forget, I just have to point something out. Shai mentioned something about the festival site being at the intersection of three holy rivers, and, while he was only repeating what he has been told, I must make a slight correction: You see, while the Ganga and Yamuna flow visibly into each other, the Saraswati river is… How did that Indian boy put it? “here in spirit.” That’s India for you – you can never really tell what’s going on physically, and what’s going on spiritually, and what’s just plain old miscommunication. Well, nine times out of ten, it’s miscommunication, but knowing that still isn’t very helpful.

So Shai decides he’ll find the camp today, and then come back tomorrow with his things from the room. Only he isn’t counting on how long it’s going to take to find, and by the time he gets there, it’s long past dark, and it’s getting cold, and this camp is a tiny clump of disorganized tents way out at the very edge of the festival area. Shai would have turned back the moment the tents cut off as though sliced with a knife, giving way abruptly to an empty desert, and he never would have found it, but Panama Baba said “Come, it’s just a little further,” and then there it was.

So Who Are The Rainbow People?

And why was their camp so isolated from everyone else? Well, there are different views on that. Some say it was their own choice. Some say the Indians wanted to keep them out of sight, to avoid trouble. We may never know the true answer, but they both seem plausible. The whole of the Kumbh Mela grounds is considered a temple, which means – no sex. Maybe that’s why, say some, they wanted to make sure and move the Rainbow camp off said grounds. Just sayin’.

They’re Hippies, of course! A modern take on the classic theme. Beads, and drum circles, and hash – at the Kumbh, they fit right in. Of course they didn’t really, and every one of them drew just as much attention as Shai did. In fact, he soon came to think of himself as one of them.

You know Shai, though. He’s a good boy, though he can be a little koo-koo in the head. He tried a few puffs, coughed his lungs out, and decided that smoking wasn’t really his thing. Nor did he have any sex, either, more’s the pity. In fact, he was sick half the time he was there, and positively miserable. I think it was being surrounded by friends. He just couldn’t handle it.

Shai did have some great adventures in and around the Kumbh, though. If he would get off his lazy bum bum and fix his camera, I could show you pictures of people jumping off dune-cliffs, Indians watching porn on their cell-phone, and the mysterious and allusive Cowamalope (Shai came up with that name himself, and it was approved by Alexis – the only other witness of this strange, Indian, kin of the Yeti and Unicorn.) And that would just be one day’s worth!

Let me summarize and move on, because this is getting out of hand: During these three weeks, Shai ate for free, slept for free, showered seldom (but bathed often) and spoke more German than Hindi.

Moving on.

Well, much as I’d like to tell you about Rishikesh, I should be wrapping this post up, and there’s still something I must do.

You see, a fortuitous turn of events led Shai somewhere… quite unexpected.

“So you can get me a ticket to Israel and back?”

Shai asked, incredulously. As well he should be, for while the ticket to Israel went through smoothly (and mind you, this is for an Indian value of smooth), it’s the ticket back that’s proving somewhat tricky. So, yes, Shai is in Israel right now. He’s a little embarrassed about this, so I feel it’s my duty to out him.

So, you see, he’s hiding at home, still somewhat in shock and denial at being back in his beautiful homeland, but if you were to give him a call and pull him outdoors, he would actually be very grateful.

I’m trying to convince him to keep up the blog, even while he’s here. It’s good for him. For instance, when a pretty woman told him she follows his blog, it positively made his day. So help me, and together, perhaps we can convince our dear Shai to stop being a lazy bum, and start being an industrious bum, instead – in Israel!


4 thoughts on “Calvin’s Turn, Or: A Stunning Revelation

  1. so wonderful man, or as calvin would put it…lazy bum…. actually i am not fond of name calling, and that matters less, what matters more is that you know you are wonderful and that i really love you…. i would also be delighted to hang out with you and do something…your call what. i am pretty booked till wed, but am pretty available after that….so big hugs till then.


  2. so are you here? there? where?
    Actually, that is not the important part, wherever you are, keep writing.
    And go outside

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s